At times the human spirit can soar to new heights

Bobby looked outside at the approaching storm clouds. He quickly grabbed a sweater, put it in a bag and locked the door behind him. He took one last look at the clouds overhead and took a deep breath. He then sprinted as fast as he could to the market at the corner. As he made it to the parking lot, thunder sounded and rain poured down from the sky. Bobby quickly reached down into the bag and pulled out his sweater. He threw the sweater high into the air and watched two cowboys fire five or six shots straight into its belly. Bobby put the sweater back in the bag, nodded to the cowboys, and calmly strolled back to his house.

Insights Out

Sandra didn’t have to go far to realize that she was still pretty close to where she had just left.

A wise man once told me “the unexamined life is not worth living.” I think it was Socrates. And I think he told me in a book that I had to read for some class in school.

I can do anything I set my mind to. And usually my mind is set to “hang out” mode.

Out of simple things

One of the simplest things to do in the whole world is to buy a bunch of corndogs and wrap them together in a bouquet and give it to your dog for his birthday.

Trust

Do not believe this: I am lying to you.

One for the Little Guy

Timmy hadn’t correctly answered a question in this class, or in any class, ever. Then it happened. The teacher asked when electricity was first discovered. Timmy knew all about electricity. He did a report on it last year. Timmy’s heart pounded, as he slowly raised his hand above his head. Inch by inch he raised it, excited and scared at the same time. The teacher looked shocked as she saw Timmy’s hand. She stared blankly for a second and then called on him, almost as a question – "Timmy?" Timmy cleared his throat, looked around at the faces of the kids who mercilessly teased him and answered. “I don’t know teacher. I don’t know.” It was the only thing that Timmy didn’t remember about electricity. Timmy then sunk his head into his folded arms on his desk and sighed.

The Black Pot

The black pot flew high into the air, and everyone started to freak out. Well, actually they more or less didn’t freak out, but acted normal. You would think that everyone would freak out. That’s the idea I had when I threw the black pot way up above my head. However, although some people kind of looked my way, most everyone just kept on talking and nodding to each other as they passed by. My whole plan was unraveling before me. When the black pot hit the ground, I knew it was over.

2008!

That last post "An Amusing Man" was the first ever post of the year 2008 (on my blog).

And sorry for the long delay in posts leading up to today. I got stuck in traffic.

An Amusing Man

I got kicked in the face today by the most amusing man. After he kicked me, he turned to me and said, “Now, what are you going to do about it?” Like there was anything I could do. I could barely even see, let alone stand up and do something. I mean the very idea that I would even attempt to do something in that state was ridiculous. What an imagination he had! Even now, as I am slouched here in the corner watching the puddle of my blood coagulate, I can’t think of a single thing that I could have done about it. He must have thought of something. Why else would he ask that? He probably had thought of a couple of things, since he had asked me which one I would choose to do. Oh, the creativity! I would trade the remaining portion of my left hand to have a creative and imaginative mind like that.

And there was something about the way he spoke that sounded inherently funny, like I had a concussion or a bleeding ear drum. It was like he was opening up his mouth and air was swirling into it as he spoke. I almost passed out from laughing and/or loss of blood.

Why did he do it? I have no idea. I don’t even know who he was. It must have been a completely spontaneous act. He was such a free spirit, full of life and enthusiastic rage. He must dance through life on a limb, breathing in the light and warmth and fear of the world around him. I, on the other hand, would never jump up and down on another’s arm. And to slap a person for “bleeding too much?” That idea would never just leap into my head; it would take some serious malicious brainstorming. But he could do it without a second thought, a hint of provocation, or the use of pepper spray, which he did use, but he really didn’t need it since I was already lying on the ground almost completely incapacitated.

This was truly a day to remember! You rarely get to meet amusing men like that more than once. They usually finish you off the first time.

It's Okay.

Don't worry everything is okay. I e-mailed Teofghdhfd (teogfhdhfd@email.com) about that tag in the previous post (see "Tagged"). He said it was fine. He also said that it was one of the more "popular" tags going around. I e-mailed him back and said that I still felt strange about the questions, but then he reminded me in his response that it was he that first tagged me and not the other way around. That was true. I can't deny that. Teo (he said that I can call him that if I want) taught me something important--what it would feel like to have someone unfreeze you. Now, I'm back in the game.


What is your social security number?

I think it's 77, . . . but I'm not sure. I'll have to get back on that one. But my favorite movie is Top Gun, no wait The Naked Gun. I remember there was a gun in it or possibly a dog.

Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?

I'll have to ask my wife. I'm not allowed to be "the banker" anymore (in real life or in Monopoly--long story (I cheated)).

What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want done with whatever dollars you do or did have?

Well, first of all I would probably buy a million lottery tickets--for an investment. With a million tickets, I'd have a really good chance to win the million dollar jackpot. Other than that investment, I'd probably use the rest to buy some things that I've been meaning to buy but keep putting off. As far as the second part of the question -- to tell the truth, you completely lost me on that one.

Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?

This seems kind of personal (but its Goggles of Freedom Man. Tell everyone that it's me.)

What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?

See prior post labeled "Private Post." I give you permission to read it. No one else is allowed (until they tag me).

Do you press charges?

Not against my good tagging buddies. What a funny question! But yes, normally I press charges against almost every person I meet.


I now tag all of you. Fill out the above "popular" tag and send it to me. I'll make sure to forward it on to Teo (but you all should probably call him Mr. Fghdhfdh). Tagging buddies pass on info to each other--and I know that's true, because Teo told me that without me even having to ask.

Tagged!

I was tagged by my new blogging buddy (teohgfhfhd) from the Philippines. This is way more fun than getting tagged in freeze tag, especially if you're tagged at the beginning and no one on your team will unfreeze you even though they are running right by you and you're shouting "Right here. I'm all clear. Unfreeze me. It's completely clear!" But they just run off.

Anyhow, thanks Teohgfhfhd for my first tag (of probably millions to come).


What is your social security number?



Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?



What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want someone to do with whatever dollars you do or did have?



Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?



What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?



Do you press charges?



Umm... Teohgfhdgh -- I'm feeling uncomfortable with this tag. I thought I was supposed to be asked about my favorite cereal and movie, or possibly my favorite cereal commercial that was later made into a movie--something like that. I'm not so sure about this. I'm starting to feel kind of like how I felt playing freeze tag.

Reading

I love to read. Sometimes I will mute the TV and just read the subtitles for awhile. And I will just sit there reading the subtitles—until I can pretty much figure out what is going on by just watching. Then I’ll just watch. But when I get lost, there I am, reading the subtitles again. I just can’t seem to get enough reading.

Private Post

Please do not read the following post. It is personal.




credit card number: 711 6504 33333 (Norman's Nursery charge card)

secret identity: Goggles of Freedom Hero Man

personal goals: levitate, read Pride and War, etc.

Knowledge is Power

Why did I tell you all those things about me, you ask. Because knowledge is power my little sapling. How can this be, you then ask. It’s all quite simple.

Knowledge is power.
And power is electricity.
And electricity is lightning.
And lightning is power.
And power is a giant man with fists of lightning.

And that’s what you become when you have knowledge.

Seems pretty important now, doesn’t it?

What a lot of people don’t know about me

My name. Commonly I will test this out and ask people if they have ever heard of Chad Hatfield. I have never had anyone tell me yes. This is true even in my hometown, which is actually quite small. I think that people hear less about others in small towns, because the town is small and they don’t want to talk too much or it gets pretty loud fairly quickly.

That I exist. A majority of all the people I asked if they ever heard of me didn’t respond or even look my direction. They just kept on talking on their cell phones or driving by on their way to work or wherever it is all these people need to go in such a hurry.

I can’t hover above the ground. I’m sure that most people assume this, but they don’t know. I’ve always thought it would be neat to be able to hover a foot or two above the ground, without having to be dead or anything like that.

It’s easy to write poems using my first name. At one point I sat down and made a list of over one hundred words that rhyme with my name. However, it turned out that I didn’t exactly understand what rhyming was all about. Most of the words I had just copied from a menu that was on the table in front of me. I was at a restaurant at the time I made the list. In fact I was working there as a waiter. There were more words on the menu, but I couldn’t finish writing them down before the couple had finished “ordering.” Boy, that was the largest order I ever had! But again, no tip. Anyhow, it turns out that the only words that rhyme with my name are tad (like a tad pole) and silver-bed (which I am told is actually two separate words and isn’t really a “true” rhyme anyhow--even though the last letter of each sounds exactly the same.)

My background. I was born on a small planet, not far from the sun, called Earth. There are only two planets that are closer to the sun than Earth. Those two planets are Mercury and Venus and both of these planets are pretty close to the sun. How close to the sun, we will never know, but it is sufficient to say that they are close. Although, these two planets are closer to the sun than the Earth, I’ve always kind of thought of the sun as my sun. The sun and I have always had kind of a special kinship. Whenever I stare into the sun for a long time, it seems to kind of wink at me, like hey, bud—and it will keep winking at me until I black out. When I come to, I have a horrible headache and need to lie down in the dark for the rest of the day. Even good friends get into little squabbles every now and again, I suppose. I also went to school and have a family.

ATE Week results blog

Thank you to everyone who participated in ATE week. I browsed the newspaper this weekend and did not see a single headline about a bunch of homeless animals dying from bronchitis. Consider our efforts a giant success!

I have posted the winning entry below. It was pretty good. Of course, if there would have been any other entries, I assume it would have lost -- by a lot. As for the prize -- I will not e-mail a virus* to the winner for an entire month!** And now for the winning entry --

MOM: Who is going to win?
CLH: You. Nobody will join.
MOM: Oh my! I win!!
CLH: Yup. You is good.
MOM: Yup.


* at least not intentionally
** a month may mean 2 to 5 days in this context