The Future: Are We Ready?

I was in my backyard digging a hole to bury a hang glider who flew into our window, when I hit something hard. I looked into the hole and discovered two objects. One was a cylindrical box; the other, a flat silver piece of metal.

The flat metal piece turned out to be the head of my shovel, which must have broken off while I was digging. I put the two objects aside and returned to my work. It slowed me down considerably having to just beat the ground with the handle. However, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as the hang glider came to after a couple of hours and walked off. So I ended up not having to finish digging the hole.

I was about to start filling the hole back in, when I realized that it might be nice to have an extra foxhole around, just in case. I put the handle down and examined the strange, cylindrical box. It appeared to be some sort of time capsule. It looked old and had the words “time capsule” written on the side—a clue, no doubt. After several minutes of struggling with the lid, I attempted to pull it off rather than push it harder into the box. It came off immediately. I was shocked by what happened next.

When the lid came off, I heard “you have opened the secret time capsule” in a voice that could only be described as sounding like the wind. It was me that said it, in my whispery ghost voice. I had attempted that voice many times before, but had never pulled it off quite so well as this time. And that shocked me.

My eye caught hold of a single sheet of paper lying facedown in the box. It wasn’t folded, so I wasted little time trying to unfold it. Maybe only a couple of minutes. It looked like a page torn out of a diary. In big block letters, it was entitled The Future: Are We Ready? I read it aloud. The page was short, but still too long to read in my whispery ghost voice (although that would have been a great effect).

The year is 1994. The smell is of the ocean. None of us realize that in 14 short years, the oceans will be replaced by ocean-smelling-like robots. We will dip our robot toes into the ocean and an electromagnetic signal will tell our robot brains that it feels cold and wet. “That is water,” we will say with our internet voice-over mouths. A robotic seagull will then fly over and drop a computer chip on our shoulders. “Oh great! Our new shirts (holographs) are ruined.” We put a postcard into the mailbox, which is actually a wireless scanner that e-mails the picture to our friends Tom and Stacey. We tell each other (IR beam info out of our eyes to the others’ brains) that we will always remember this time we had together at the ocean. We put our leash back on our robotic dog/microwave oven and walk to our cars and drive/digitally transport ourselves back home.

In fourteen years! That would be this year—2008. It did sound eerily similar to our world today—or at least, what our world could be like in a couple of "big" months. But something was troubling me. The author used certain words that someone from 1994 could never have understood or predicted—like Internet, wireless, and seagull. How could someone from the past have known what our life would be like or would soon be like in 2008? My first thought, of course, was that the person must have been an alien that sees all time in the present and got lost here for awhile until getting zapped back up to his ship (or her ship—but I think we all know “how things are” on other planets). But then I looked closer at the page. In the top corner was written “Planet: Earth.” It was an earthling all right. That’s exactly how one of us would have written that.

At that moment, I got distracted. I noticed an old newspaper in the bottom of the box. I started to call out Eureka, but I thought better of it and just yelled Jackpot. I quickly ran to the phone book to call a bookie (FYI—it’s pretty hard to find a bookie in the phone book. Turns out that a bookkeeper is an accountant, and the other places are all libraries). However, I found a real bookie’s number on-line. I placed a bunch of bets on the scores of some baseball games. But I think this scheme would have worked better if the sports page had been from the future instead of 1994. One of the teams I bet $1,000 on doesn’t even exist anymore. All in all, though, I lost quite a bit of money.

I had thought that digging that hole would solve all of my problems, but all it did was burden me with more questions. Who am I? Why am I here? Whose shovel is this? Hey, isn’t my house blue, like that one over there across the street?

Perhaps, it is better to wait for the future to provide us these answers—at a time when we, and the future, are ready (last part read in a whispery ghost voice).

Cool Calculator Trick

I've tried this five times in a row, and it worked each time. It's amazing. Follow the instructions below precisely.

Start with your age

• add your home phone number (no area code)
  
  
• subtract the age you were when you realized that cats aren't the girl and dogs the boy of some generic "pet" animal
  
  
• multiply by the number of the day of the month you were born on
  
  
• write the word "infinity" on your hand
  
  
• divide by any whole number between 5 and 7
  
  
• Turn the calculator upside down
  
  
• multiply by zero
  
  
• add your favorite number
  
  
• press the equals (=) button and turn the calculator right side up
  
  

The end result should be your favorite number. Whoah!

(this trick works on most all brand name calculators)

Feeling Bad -- a lesson learned in sympathy

I feel bad. No one ever talks to Stevie–well, except for all of the kids at school. I guess it’s mostly just me that no one talks to. But, I still feel bad.

To Blog or Not to Blog

I started blogging about six months ago, or should I say, blogging took over my life six months ago. When I started my blog, I never realized how many people it would affect, namely—me. I have to spend time posting things on the blog. Plus I have to create and manage a whole slew of fake accounts to post comments. The whole process is very time consuming and has affected me greatly. I now have no time for exercising, reading my mail, or putting on a belt.

Others were also affected. There were many people who asked me for favors that I forgot about because of all of this blogging. For example, Mrs. Wethers next door asked me to feed her bird while she was on vacation. That bird was the most affected of all by far.

At times I feel guilty because I am taking up so much space on the Internet. What if cyber space gets full before our little ones even learn to type? And goldfish and squirrels and other small creatures will never learn to type. That thought just makes me miserable. Maybe I want too much. I am leading two lives, a virtual web life and a non-virtual webless real life, while others have no lives—like Mrs. Wethers’ cat. Yes, now that I think of it she asked me to feed her cat, not a bird. No matter now.

This whole blogging thing has grown out of control. I used to enjoy reading my blog, but now whenever I look at it, all I see are red lines saying that I spelled something wrong. Or a green line saying fragment.

Should I stop? I wouldn’t even know how to go about it. Do I need to get something signed by the Webmaster (would a portal master do?)? Do I push one of those crazy buttons with a picture on it at the top of my keyboard? I have no idea what any of those are. I definitely do not want to push the wrong one and accidentally delete the world wide web, or even just the internet for that matter. There are still some great blogs out there that are guiding the rising generation. Blogs that provide the courage to forego college and instead become American Idol contestants, run a celebrity gossip blog, or perform other necessary duties that we depend on to keep America running.

And when it is all said and done, that is what I want. I want my blog to keep America up and running. And perhaps maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly what it has been doing. Since I’ve started my blog, America has kept all fifty or so of its states and has produced some great television shows (spin-offs of British shows). Is that just coincidence? I cannot take the risk. I will continue my blog. I will continue it for America, for great television, and in memory of Mrs. Wethers’ bird or cat.

At times the human spirit can soar to new heights

Bobby looked outside at the approaching storm clouds. He quickly grabbed a sweater, put it in a bag and locked the door behind him. He took one last look at the clouds overhead and took a deep breath. He then sprinted as fast as he could to the market at the corner. As he made it to the parking lot, thunder sounded and rain poured down from the sky. Bobby quickly reached down into the bag and pulled out his sweater. He threw the sweater high into the air and watched two cowboys fire five or six shots straight into its belly. Bobby put the sweater back in the bag, nodded to the cowboys, and calmly strolled back to his house.

Insights Out

Sandra didn’t have to go far to realize that she was still pretty close to where she had just left.

A wise man once told me “the unexamined life is not worth living.” I think it was Socrates. And I think he told me in a book that I had to read for some class in school.

I can do anything I set my mind to. And usually my mind is set to “hang out” mode.

Out of simple things

One of the simplest things to do in the whole world is to buy a bunch of corndogs and wrap them together in a bouquet and give it to your dog for his birthday.

Trust

Do not believe this: I am lying to you.

One for the Little Guy

Timmy hadn’t correctly answered a question in this class, or in any class, ever. Then it happened. The teacher asked when electricity was first discovered. Timmy knew all about electricity. He did a report on it last year. Timmy’s heart pounded, as he slowly raised his hand above his head. Inch by inch he raised it, excited and scared at the same time. The teacher looked shocked as she saw Timmy’s hand. She stared blankly for a second and then called on him, almost as a question – "Timmy?" Timmy cleared his throat, looked around at the faces of the kids who mercilessly teased him and answered. “I don’t know teacher. I don’t know.” It was the only thing that Timmy didn’t remember about electricity. Timmy then sunk his head into his folded arms on his desk and sighed.

The Black Pot

The black pot flew high into the air, and everyone started to freak out. Well, actually they more or less didn’t freak out, but acted normal. You would think that everyone would freak out. That’s the idea I had when I threw the black pot way up above my head. However, although some people kind of looked my way, most everyone just kept on talking and nodding to each other as they passed by. My whole plan was unraveling before me. When the black pot hit the ground, I knew it was over.

2008!

That last post "An Amusing Man" was the first ever post of the year 2008 (on my blog).

And sorry for the long delay in posts leading up to today. I got stuck in traffic.

An Amusing Man

I got kicked in the face today by the most amusing man. After he kicked me, he turned to me and said, “Now, what are you going to do about it?” Like there was anything I could do. I could barely even see, let alone stand up and do something. I mean the very idea that I would even attempt to do something in that state was ridiculous. What an imagination he had! Even now, as I am slouched here in the corner watching the puddle of my blood coagulate, I can’t think of a single thing that I could have done about it. He must have thought of something. Why else would he ask that? He probably had thought of a couple of things, since he had asked me which one I would choose to do. Oh, the creativity! I would trade the remaining portion of my left hand to have a creative and imaginative mind like that.

And there was something about the way he spoke that sounded inherently funny, like I had a concussion or a bleeding ear drum. It was like he was opening up his mouth and air was swirling into it as he spoke. I almost passed out from laughing and/or loss of blood.

Why did he do it? I have no idea. I don’t even know who he was. It must have been a completely spontaneous act. He was such a free spirit, full of life and enthusiastic rage. He must dance through life on a limb, breathing in the light and warmth and fear of the world around him. I, on the other hand, would never jump up and down on another’s arm. And to slap a person for “bleeding too much?” That idea would never just leap into my head; it would take some serious malicious brainstorming. But he could do it without a second thought, a hint of provocation, or the use of pepper spray, which he did use, but he really didn’t need it since I was already lying on the ground almost completely incapacitated.

This was truly a day to remember! You rarely get to meet amusing men like that more than once. They usually finish you off the first time.

It's Okay.

Don't worry everything is okay. I e-mailed Teofghdhfd (teogfhdhfd@email.com) about that tag in the previous post (see "Tagged"). He said it was fine. He also said that it was one of the more "popular" tags going around. I e-mailed him back and said that I still felt strange about the questions, but then he reminded me in his response that it was he that first tagged me and not the other way around. That was true. I can't deny that. Teo (he said that I can call him that if I want) taught me something important--what it would feel like to have someone unfreeze you. Now, I'm back in the game.


What is your social security number?

I think it's 77, . . . but I'm not sure. I'll have to get back on that one. But my favorite movie is Top Gun, no wait The Naked Gun. I remember there was a gun in it or possibly a dog.

Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?

I'll have to ask my wife. I'm not allowed to be "the banker" anymore (in real life or in Monopoly--long story (I cheated)).

What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want done with whatever dollars you do or did have?

Well, first of all I would probably buy a million lottery tickets--for an investment. With a million tickets, I'd have a really good chance to win the million dollar jackpot. Other than that investment, I'd probably use the rest to buy some things that I've been meaning to buy but keep putting off. As far as the second part of the question -- to tell the truth, you completely lost me on that one.

Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?

This seems kind of personal (but its Goggles of Freedom Man. Tell everyone that it's me.)

What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?

See prior post labeled "Private Post." I give you permission to read it. No one else is allowed (until they tag me).

Do you press charges?

Not against my good tagging buddies. What a funny question! But yes, normally I press charges against almost every person I meet.


I now tag all of you. Fill out the above "popular" tag and send it to me. I'll make sure to forward it on to Teo (but you all should probably call him Mr. Fghdhfdh). Tagging buddies pass on info to each other--and I know that's true, because Teo told me that without me even having to ask.

Tagged!

I was tagged by my new blogging buddy (teohgfhfhd) from the Philippines. This is way more fun than getting tagged in freeze tag, especially if you're tagged at the beginning and no one on your team will unfreeze you even though they are running right by you and you're shouting "Right here. I'm all clear. Unfreeze me. It's completely clear!" But they just run off.

Anyhow, thanks Teohgfhfhd for my first tag (of probably millions to come).


What is your social security number?



Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?



What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want someone to do with whatever dollars you do or did have?



Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?



What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?



Do you press charges?



Umm... Teohgfhdgh -- I'm feeling uncomfortable with this tag. I thought I was supposed to be asked about my favorite cereal and movie, or possibly my favorite cereal commercial that was later made into a movie--something like that. I'm not so sure about this. I'm starting to feel kind of like how I felt playing freeze tag.

Reading

I love to read. Sometimes I will mute the TV and just read the subtitles for awhile. And I will just sit there reading the subtitles—until I can pretty much figure out what is going on by just watching. Then I’ll just watch. But when I get lost, there I am, reading the subtitles again. I just can’t seem to get enough reading.