Thursday, January 24, 2008

Out of simple things

One of the simplest things to do in the whole world is to buy a bunch of corndogs and wrap them together in a bouquet and give it to your dog for his birthday.

Monday, January 21, 2008


Do not believe this: I am lying to you.

Monday, January 14, 2008

One for the Little Guy

Timmy hadn’t correctly answered a question in this class, or in any class, ever. Then it happened. The teacher asked when electricity was first discovered. Timmy knew all about electricity. He did a report on it last year. Timmy’s heart pounded, as he slowly raised his hand above his head. Inch by inch he raised it, excited and scared at the same time. The teacher looked shocked as she saw Timmy’s hand. She stared blankly for a second and then called on him, almost as a question – "Timmy?" Timmy cleared his throat, looked around at the faces of the kids who mercilessly teased him and answered. “I don’t know teacher. I don’t know.” It was the only thing that Timmy didn’t remember about electricity. Timmy then sunk his head into his folded arms on his desk and sighed.

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Black Pot

The black pot flew high into the air, and everyone started to freak out. Well, actually they more or less didn’t freak out, but acted normal. You would think that everyone would freak out. That’s the idea I had when I threw the black pot way up above my head. However, although some people kind of looked my way, most everyone just kept on talking and nodding to each other as they passed by. My whole plan was unraveling before me. When the black pot hit the ground, I knew it was over.

Thursday, January 3, 2008


That last post "An Amusing Man" was the first ever post of the year 2008 (on my blog).

And sorry for the long delay in posts leading up to today. I got stuck in traffic.

An Amusing Man

I got kicked in the face today by the most amusing man. After he kicked me, he turned to me and said, “Now, what are you going to do about it?” Like there was anything I could do. I could barely even see, let alone stand up and do something. I mean the very idea that I would even attempt to do something in that state was ridiculous. What an imagination he had! Even now, as I am slouched here in the corner watching the puddle of my blood coagulate, I can’t think of a single thing that I could have done about it. He must have thought of something. Why else would he ask that? He probably had thought of a couple of things, since he had asked me which one I would choose to do. Oh, the creativity! I would trade the remaining portion of my left hand to have a creative and imaginative mind like that.

And there was something about the way he spoke that sounded inherently funny, like I had a concussion or a bleeding ear drum. It was like he was opening up his mouth and air was swirling into it as he spoke. I almost passed out from laughing and/or loss of blood.

Why did he do it? I have no idea. I don’t even know who he was. It must have been a completely spontaneous act. He was such a free spirit, full of life and enthusiastic rage. He must dance through life on a limb, breathing in the light and warmth and fear of the world around him. I, on the other hand, would never jump up and down on another’s arm. And to slap a person for “bleeding too much?” That idea would never just leap into my head; it would take some serious malicious brainstorming. But he could do it without a second thought, a hint of provocation, or the use of pepper spray, which he did use, but he really didn’t need it since I was already lying on the ground almost completely incapacitated.

This was truly a day to remember! You rarely get to meet amusing men like that more than once. They usually finish you off the first time.