Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Private Post

Please do not read the following post. It is personal.

credit card number: 711 6504 33333 (Norman's Nursery charge card)

secret identity: Goggles of Freedom Hero Man

personal goals: levitate, read Pride and War, etc.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Knowledge is Power

Why did I tell you all those things about me, you ask. Because knowledge is power my little sapling. How can this be, you then ask. It’s all quite simple.

Knowledge is power.
And power is electricity.
And electricity is lightning.
And lightning is power.
And power is a giant man with fists of lightning.

And that’s what you become when you have knowledge.

Seems pretty important now, doesn’t it?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What a lot of people don’t know about me

My name. Commonly I will test this out and ask people if they have ever heard of Chad Hatfield. I have never had anyone tell me yes. This is true even in my hometown, which is actually quite small. I think that people hear less about others in small towns, because the town is small and they don’t want to talk too much or it gets pretty loud fairly quickly.

That I exist. A majority of all the people I asked if they ever heard of me didn’t respond or even look my direction. They just kept on talking on their cell phones or driving by on their way to work or wherever it is all these people need to go in such a hurry.

I can’t hover above the ground. I’m sure that most people assume this, but they don’t know. I’ve always thought it would be neat to be able to hover a foot or two above the ground, without having to be dead or anything like that.

It’s easy to write poems using my first name. At one point I sat down and made a list of over one hundred words that rhyme with my name. However, it turned out that I didn’t exactly understand what rhyming was all about. Most of the words I had just copied from a menu that was on the table in front of me. I was at a restaurant at the time I made the list. In fact I was working there as a waiter. There were more words on the menu, but I couldn’t finish writing them down before the couple had finished “ordering.” Boy, that was the largest order I ever had! But again, no tip. Anyhow, it turns out that the only words that rhyme with my name are tad (like a tad pole) and silver-bed (which I am told is actually two separate words and isn’t really a “true” rhyme anyhow--even though the last letter of each sounds exactly the same.)

My background. I was born on a small planet, not far from the sun, called Earth. There are only two planets that are closer to the sun than Earth. Those two planets are Mercury and Venus and both of these planets are pretty close to the sun. How close to the sun, we will never know, but it is sufficient to say that they are close. Although, these two planets are closer to the sun than the Earth, I’ve always kind of thought of the sun as my sun. The sun and I have always had kind of a special kinship. Whenever I stare into the sun for a long time, it seems to kind of wink at me, like hey, bud—and it will keep winking at me until I black out. When I come to, I have a horrible headache and need to lie down in the dark for the rest of the day. Even good friends get into little squabbles every now and again, I suppose. I also went to school and have a family.

Monday, November 12, 2007

ATE Week results blog

Thank you to everyone who participated in ATE week. I browsed the newspaper this weekend and did not see a single headline about a bunch of homeless animals dying from bronchitis. Consider our efforts a giant success!

I have posted the winning entry below. It was pretty good. Of course, if there would have been any other entries, I assume it would have lost -- by a lot. As for the prize -- I will not e-mail a virus* to the winner for an entire month!** And now for the winning entry --

MOM: Who is going to win?
CLH: You. Nobody will join.
MOM: Oh my! I win!!
CLH: Yup. You is good.
MOM: Yup.

* at least not intentionally
** a month may mean 2 to 5 days in this context

Friday, November 9, 2007

URGENT!!!! Help needed immediately.

What does this mean?!!! What does this mean?!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

ATE week

Want to get involved but don’t know how to contribute? Welcome to ATE week.

This week don’t use words that contain the letters A, T, or E. The goal is that this may somehow help benefit people with bronchitis or possibly homeless animals.

It’s so easy, even you could do it!


John: Oh. You.
Lori: Hi John.
John: Um. Hi Lori.
Lori: Whizzup?
John: Nofing.
Lori: Rock is no bill.
John: I got pink up my loins!
Lori: Sorry.
John: No fooling.
Lori: OK.
John: Good buy.
Lori: Yup. Good buy.

Try writing your own dialogue without using the letter A, T, or E and send it to Write “ATE dialogue contest—I hope I win” in the subject line. The winning dialogue will be posted on this blog. All dialogues having the letters A, T, or E in them will be disqualified, and I will e-mail you a virus.

How else can you help homeless animals battling bronchitis? Enter today. See rules below.

Minimum 1 word to enter. Maximum 1,000 entries per household. Therefore, the minimum maximum would be 1,000 words per household. If any two entries are identical, each entry will be stamped "duplicate" which ends with "ate" and will be disqualified. Viruses for disqualification will be e-mailed within 5-10 business days. No purchase unnecessary.