Thursday, December 13, 2007

It's Okay.

Don't worry everything is okay. I e-mailed Teofghdhfd ( about that tag in the previous post (see "Tagged"). He said it was fine. He also said that it was one of the more "popular" tags going around. I e-mailed him back and said that I still felt strange about the questions, but then he reminded me in his response that it was he that first tagged me and not the other way around. That was true. I can't deny that. Teo (he said that I can call him that if I want) taught me something important--what it would feel like to have someone unfreeze you. Now, I'm back in the game.

What is your social security number?

I think it's 77, . . . but I'm not sure. I'll have to get back on that one. But my favorite movie is Top Gun, no wait The Naked Gun. I remember there was a gun in it or possibly a dog.

Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?

I'll have to ask my wife. I'm not allowed to be "the banker" anymore (in real life or in Monopoly--long story (I cheated)).

What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want done with whatever dollars you do or did have?

Well, first of all I would probably buy a million lottery tickets--for an investment. With a million tickets, I'd have a really good chance to win the million dollar jackpot. Other than that investment, I'd probably use the rest to buy some things that I've been meaning to buy but keep putting off. As far as the second part of the question -- to tell the truth, you completely lost me on that one.

Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?

This seems kind of personal (but its Goggles of Freedom Man. Tell everyone that it's me.)

What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?

See prior post labeled "Private Post." I give you permission to read it. No one else is allowed (until they tag me).

Do you press charges?

Not against my good tagging buddies. What a funny question! But yes, normally I press charges against almost every person I meet.

I now tag all of you. Fill out the above "popular" tag and send it to me. I'll make sure to forward it on to Teo (but you all should probably call him Mr. Fghdhfdh). Tagging buddies pass on info to each other--and I know that's true, because Teo told me that without me even having to ask.


I was tagged by my new blogging buddy (teohgfhfhd) from the Philippines. This is way more fun than getting tagged in freeze tag, especially if you're tagged at the beginning and no one on your team will unfreeze you even though they are running right by you and you're shouting "Right here. I'm all clear. Unfreeze me. It's completely clear!" But they just run off.

Anyhow, thanks Teohgfhfhd for my first tag (of probably millions to come).

What is your social security number?

Name all of your bank accounts and their routing numbers?

What would you do with 100 million dollars? Or more important, what would you want someone to do with whatever dollars you do or did have?

Do you have a secret identity? If yes, what would it be?

What would you have put for your passwords one year ago? Five years ago? Yesterday?

Do you press charges?

Umm... Teohgfhdgh -- I'm feeling uncomfortable with this tag. I thought I was supposed to be asked about my favorite cereal and movie, or possibly my favorite cereal commercial that was later made into a movie--something like that. I'm not so sure about this. I'm starting to feel kind of like how I felt playing freeze tag.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


I love to read. Sometimes I will mute the TV and just read the subtitles for awhile. And I will just sit there reading the subtitles—until I can pretty much figure out what is going on by just watching. Then I’ll just watch. But when I get lost, there I am, reading the subtitles again. I just can’t seem to get enough reading.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Private Post

Please do not read the following post. It is personal.

credit card number: 711 6504 33333 (Norman's Nursery charge card)

secret identity: Goggles of Freedom Hero Man

personal goals: levitate, read Pride and War, etc.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Knowledge is Power

Why did I tell you all those things about me, you ask. Because knowledge is power my little sapling. How can this be, you then ask. It’s all quite simple.

Knowledge is power.
And power is electricity.
And electricity is lightning.
And lightning is power.
And power is a giant man with fists of lightning.

And that’s what you become when you have knowledge.

Seems pretty important now, doesn’t it?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What a lot of people don’t know about me

My name. Commonly I will test this out and ask people if they have ever heard of Chad Hatfield. I have never had anyone tell me yes. This is true even in my hometown, which is actually quite small. I think that people hear less about others in small towns, because the town is small and they don’t want to talk too much or it gets pretty loud fairly quickly.

That I exist. A majority of all the people I asked if they ever heard of me didn’t respond or even look my direction. They just kept on talking on their cell phones or driving by on their way to work or wherever it is all these people need to go in such a hurry.

I can’t hover above the ground. I’m sure that most people assume this, but they don’t know. I’ve always thought it would be neat to be able to hover a foot or two above the ground, without having to be dead or anything like that.

It’s easy to write poems using my first name. At one point I sat down and made a list of over one hundred words that rhyme with my name. However, it turned out that I didn’t exactly understand what rhyming was all about. Most of the words I had just copied from a menu that was on the table in front of me. I was at a restaurant at the time I made the list. In fact I was working there as a waiter. There were more words on the menu, but I couldn’t finish writing them down before the couple had finished “ordering.” Boy, that was the largest order I ever had! But again, no tip. Anyhow, it turns out that the only words that rhyme with my name are tad (like a tad pole) and silver-bed (which I am told is actually two separate words and isn’t really a “true” rhyme anyhow--even though the last letter of each sounds exactly the same.)

My background. I was born on a small planet, not far from the sun, called Earth. There are only two planets that are closer to the sun than Earth. Those two planets are Mercury and Venus and both of these planets are pretty close to the sun. How close to the sun, we will never know, but it is sufficient to say that they are close. Although, these two planets are closer to the sun than the Earth, I’ve always kind of thought of the sun as my sun. The sun and I have always had kind of a special kinship. Whenever I stare into the sun for a long time, it seems to kind of wink at me, like hey, bud—and it will keep winking at me until I black out. When I come to, I have a horrible headache and need to lie down in the dark for the rest of the day. Even good friends get into little squabbles every now and again, I suppose. I also went to school and have a family.

Monday, November 12, 2007

ATE Week results blog

Thank you to everyone who participated in ATE week. I browsed the newspaper this weekend and did not see a single headline about a bunch of homeless animals dying from bronchitis. Consider our efforts a giant success!

I have posted the winning entry below. It was pretty good. Of course, if there would have been any other entries, I assume it would have lost -- by a lot. As for the prize -- I will not e-mail a virus* to the winner for an entire month!** And now for the winning entry --

MOM: Who is going to win?
CLH: You. Nobody will join.
MOM: Oh my! I win!!
CLH: Yup. You is good.
MOM: Yup.

* at least not intentionally
** a month may mean 2 to 5 days in this context

Friday, November 9, 2007

URGENT!!!! Help needed immediately.

What does this mean?!!! What does this mean?!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

ATE week

Want to get involved but don’t know how to contribute? Welcome to ATE week.

This week don’t use words that contain the letters A, T, or E. The goal is that this may somehow help benefit people with bronchitis or possibly homeless animals.

It’s so easy, even you could do it!


John: Oh. You.
Lori: Hi John.
John: Um. Hi Lori.
Lori: Whizzup?
John: Nofing.
Lori: Rock is no bill.
John: I got pink up my loins!
Lori: Sorry.
John: No fooling.
Lori: OK.
John: Good buy.
Lori: Yup. Good buy.

Try writing your own dialogue without using the letter A, T, or E and send it to Write “ATE dialogue contest—I hope I win” in the subject line. The winning dialogue will be posted on this blog. All dialogues having the letters A, T, or E in them will be disqualified, and I will e-mail you a virus.

How else can you help homeless animals battling bronchitis? Enter today. See rules below.

Minimum 1 word to enter. Maximum 1,000 entries per household. Therefore, the minimum maximum would be 1,000 words per household. If any two entries are identical, each entry will be stamped "duplicate" which ends with "ate" and will be disqualified. Viruses for disqualification will be e-mailed within 5-10 business days. No purchase unnecessary.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Kid Projector Encore

The kid projector was so successful that I thought I would try out a couple of scenarios -- just for curiosity's sake.

A lot of people requested to see the results on these two:

Would produce the following:

Don't let those two together.

Here's another:

Would produce the following child:

Not bad. He's got April's body (tied up in his basement).

And finally, the one everyone is wondering about (What's next?):

Would produce the following child:

Looks about right.

Remember to go to and try out other scenarios for yourself.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Kid Projector

I've been pretty anxious to see what my sisters' new baby boys are going to look like. I went to and submitted pictures of the parents. They have some very sophisticated equipment that projects the appearance of the child from a photo of the parents. It cost me almost $300 for each, but I was able to get a projected picture of what the new babies will looke like. It seems to work surprisingly well.

I've posted the results below.

Jones - Parents

Jones - Baby Projection

Holt - Parents

Holt - Baby Projection

Pretty impressive, eh? Definitely worth the money.

Tip: If you try yourself, make sure you submit large pictures of the parents. If you submit small pictures, the babies always end up looking like that white glove guy from the Hand Helper commercials. Other than that, it's perfect.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


I’ve been receiving a lot of complaints lately that the little alligator at the top of the screen isn’t dancing when you click on it.

Well, first of all, there is no alligator on this blog. That should solve most of the confusion.
If you are still experiencing problems, try bobbing your head a little, side to side. This should make the alligator appear to be dancing. This tip will work for most all things, not just alligators.

If you have found this blog helpful, please click the dancing napkins at the bottom of the page.

Friday, September 21, 2007


A lot of people have been asking me, what is this Google I have been hearing about?

Well, simply put, Google is a computerized internet. Why is it important? Well, it used to be where you could just walk down the street and buy the internet on book. However, the internet has grown tremendously since we were allowed to just walk down the street for anything. In 1984, the internet was 993 pages long. Today, the internet is well over 1,000 pages! That’s a growth over a span of less than 25 years! As you can see, by the end of many more years, it will be almost impossible to print the internet without making a really long book. Plus, without a computerized internet, the computer would be reduced to only a computerized typewriter, and businesses who purchased advertisements on the internet will feel totally ripped off.

Can I become Google? No. This has been thoroughly researched (namely by me), and humans cannot become Google. Only computerized internets can become Google.

Okay, so if Google is a computerized internet, then what is a microphone? A microphone is a machine used to transmit and amplify sound. It is commonly referred to as the ear trumpet, and for good reason. It was invented by a man (possibly a woman) who played the trumpet, and he (or she) had ears, most likely two of them.

Is anything else called the ear trumpet? I don’t believe so. I have checked into nicknames for most all objects, except I haven't gotten to cleaning supplies, yet. So, it remains possible, although unlikely. Very few inventors play the trumpet anymore. They spend all of their time on Google.

Friday, September 14, 2007

15 things I hope I never step in (plus 6 more)

1. Barf from a stuffed animal head hanging on the wall – (that stuff could be very old)
2. Hot lava that is being struck by lightning.
3. Any Royal member’s nosebleed.
4. Grass in South Dakota. (I really have no desire to go to South Dakota, no matter how nice the grass may be)
5. A nest of flying ants (oh, and it’s being babysat by a crocodile!)
6. My own throat.
7. Women’s pantyhose.
8. A vat filled with old cigar boxes--and inside each box is a biting leprechaun.
9. Remains of anyone I knew from college.
10. Waist-high pond of nothing. (especially on a hot day)
11. A noose. It would be humiliating to be hung upside down in front of the entire village
12. A box full of expensive chocolates, nails, and white dress shirts.
13. Chewing gum that turns into boiling acid when spat out.
14. A crack that breaks my mother’s back (or my back).
15. A hole in a pirate’s plank, just big enough for one foot to fall into. (you know they’re going to think you’re just stalling.)
16. Anything that is gross and can kill you really fast.
17. A Scrabble board. (“I think I remember seeing the word fhgrsplut.” “Was that your word?”
18. A portal that transports a person directly to the core of the sun.
19. Melted animals.
20. A cloud. This would probably mean I was falling out of something really high.
21. Anything that I think isn’t feces and then after I step in it, I realize that it was. And why didn’t I just walk around it anyhow?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Things that make me yawn.

  • Boring wars.
  • Books on boring wars.
  • Movies based on books about boring wars.
  • Boring conflicts that never really become boring wars.
  • Feeling like yawning.
  • Trying really hard to make myself yawn.
  • The act of yawning.
  • Trying really hard to make sure the makers of the movie based on a book about a boring war see my yawn.
  • Trying not to fake yawn.
  • Anti-yawn demonstrations. (rebel at heart)
  • Seeing anything that makes me yawn.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Back to School Special

As the school year has just started, I thought it appropriate to take a brief stroll down memory lane and recall one of my favorite high school moments.

One day we had a substitute teacher who was making us take turns reading out loud a paragraph from our textbook. I was a couple of rows away from where the reading started, so I had a moment to conspire with the kid behind me. When it was my turn to read, the student behind me leaned slightly forward and whispered the words to me. I then repeated the words out loud and moved my finger randomly around the page. At one point in the middle, I paused and whispered "What was that?" while acting like I was clearing my throat. Then the guy behind me whispered the line over again and I continued on.

The next day my real teacher called me back and asked me, "Do you have any idea why the substitute would recommend that I call you back here and have you read me something?" I responded, "Well, I think I really impressed him."

Good days.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

General Observation

I noticed that no one posts comments on my site like “Boy, cute kids” or “Nice pic of the Grand Canyon” like I see on a lot of other blog sites. No biggie. Just something I noticed . . . and keep noticing.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Insights Out - yes, again.

I crouched silently in the bushes as Johnny slowly walked down the dark wooded path. As he turned the corner, I leapt out and scared Johnny with the news that his house had been robbed.

People say the strangest things. Like for instance, yesterday I was walking in the park minding my own business when I was approached by this great big guy with a tiny little mustache. As I turned my head and hurriedly walked passed him, I immediately thought “I bet that guy would have said something strange.”

To me a beautiful woman is like a beautiful painting of a pretty woman, but real and a little better looking.

I will never forget the time when I, as a backwards and bashful teenager, went to get my vision checked. After the doctor briefly examined my eyes, he gave me a solemn look, handed me a pair of glasses and said “you’re going to need these.”
“Yeah, those are my glasses,” I replied.
“I know,” he said defensively.
After that we just kind of sat there, and it was really awkward for awhile until I left.

I looked Timmy right in the eye and told him nothing that was real important. He responded with a normal shrug that sent shivers down my spine.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Word of the Week

This week’s word of the week: week
Try using it in a sentence this week.

Example: Try using it in a sentence this week.
Illustrative Example:
Tom: “C’mon Sally, you can’t ignore me forever.”
Sally: “Try using it in a sentence this week.”
Tom: “What?”
Sally: ---
Tom: “Sally, come back home please.”

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Choose Your Own Adventure Blog

You are just words away from beginning the first ever Choose Your Own Adventure blog posting.

Page 1

You are in the middle of a long vacation on the coasts of Africa. You look through your binoculars and in the distance you see a princess being held captive by a group of renegade militia radicals. The thought crosses your mind, I can help her. And by helping her, I’ll be helping thousands of people that she protects from the oppression of these renegade militia radicals. Maybe they will let her go if I give them money. I have to do something.

However, a moment later you also have the thought, Maybe I'll just get on a plane and fly home instead. This rescuing sounds like a lot of work and I kind of have a lot to do around the house anyway.

-------> If you want to help save the princess, GO TO page 3.

-------> If you want to start making your way to home, GO TO page 11.

Then suddenly, before you can decide, you are picked off by a sniper and fall dead onto the dusty road.

Fortunately though, the lady in distress was not really a princess, but the scene you witnessed was merely a photo shoot as part of an internet scam. Also, while you were away on vacation, your house was overrun by moths and you probably couldn’t have gotten much done there anyhow. So really, how your story ended saved you some money and a lot of frustration. Well done!

------> To try your luck again, GO TO page 1.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


As craigslist is getting way too overpriced and way too strict about banning people from their site who take pictures of toy cars and pass them off as real cars, I have started my own list.

Used Cheese Grater - $6.50

I bought this cheese grater for $8.00 in 2001. It just needs to be cleaned. Otherwise it is in great condition. I only used it to grate cheese or cheese-like substances.

Collectible Plate of Cookies - $18

For the Holiday collector: This is an almost complete set of "Santa cookies" from Christmas of 2005. Santa ate 1 and 1/2 cookies. The cookie in the upper left has rare Santa teeth marks. (Plate is not included. Buyer will have to provide own plate.)

WTB: Pear Painting - $10
I want to buy another painting like this one but with a bite out of the pear. I am willing to pay $10 but would prefer to pay $6-7 (as it does have a bite out of it). No apple painting solicitations please.

Goat - Free OBO
This is an older picture, but the goat is still in great shape. It now appears to look more like a black kitten. This is normal for mature "investment" goats. I will entertain all offers. No backing out, though. If you look, you take.

Light Switch - $4.00
This is a light switch in my hall. It has never been used. It came with the house, but I was given one just like it as a birthday present.

Here is a picture of the light switch in the "off" position. I haven't tinkered with this switch much, but I belive it has several positions. Reviews of this model can be read at You can download the user's guide and current software updates for the switch at that site as well.

Peach and Drink Set (perfect condition) - $40

Your classic peach and drink set. Never opened. The picture doesn't do it justice. You have to see to appreciate. I think the drink that comes with the set is a root beer or possibly a Sprite. Like I said, the set has never been opened, so I cannot say for sure.

Disposable Telescopic Camera Lens - $80

It fits onto almost all makes and models of cameras and works just as well as expensive alternatives (Minolta XXR lens, $600; Hubble Telescope, $70,000,000.). The lens has been used a lot. It should probably be thrown out soon, which is fine, because it is disposable. I have included an actual picture taken with this lens below.

This pic was taken from almost all the way across the room! Great investment.

Lot of Cars - Free

I bought one of those new SUVs that converts into a truck, so I don't need all of these cars anymore. Come take all you want for free. I have them parked on my neighbor's lot next door, since he never pulls his weeds or takes care of his property. The best time to come get them is probably between the hours of 3 am to 5 am (I have a crazy work schedule.) It is best if you don't make much noise, as my neighbor has the terrible habit of just firing his gun at anyone trying to remove the cars or clearing the weeds off his land, even though it's a real fire hazard. First come, first served.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Insights Out

The bluffing man will bluff away your bluff, but the foolish man will tell you to hold his cards while he goes to the bathroom and then never come back.

Our drama teacher told our class, "All the world is a stage." I raised my hand and added that "In France, people would say that phrase in French." But no one seemed really impressed that I knew anything about the French or how or what things they would say.

The last thing I ever expected was for this sentence to be so boring.

Man of the Year

Jim was one of those guys who would give you the shirt off his back. But he wouldn’t give you just a button off his shirt, even if you kept asking him for it. And if you reached over and tried to pull the button off, he would slap at your hand. Yes, man of the year indeed.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Brain Blog

June 12 is National Brain Day*. So in celebration of the human brain and in order to educate the future brains of tomorrow, today’s post is dedicated to Gene Brain, inventor of the wax replica of the human brain*.

In Celebration of the Human Brain

Science has shown that men use only 1/8th of their brain’s capacity. And one-half of that is used on retaining sports statistics. Imagine the capability for improvement. If we could somehow fuse three of these brains together, that would be almost three times the capacity! That’s a lot of stats, my friend. (We could start following hockey or soccer.)

When I think of “mind tricks,” I usually think of some mysterious older man who hypnotizes this other guy and gets his brain to roll over. Good Brain. Good Brain.

My mind will make me a lot of money some day. That is if it turns into gold or something.

My favorite thing to do with my brain is to just let it relax awhile, as I wander the halls as Bee Man, pinching everyone I pass.

Protect the Brain You Love

Eight Tips to Prevent Memory Loss
(as reproduced from the Harvard Brain Journal, June 31, 2008 A.D.)

1) Remember things.
2) Don’t forget the things that you are trying to remember.
3) Turn off the TV. Take time to watch someone read a book.
4) Train your mind to remember things that you have already forgotten.
5) Eat all of the “brain foods” that don’t actually have brains in them.
6) Don’t talk to strangers.
7) Remember to do all seven of these on at least a weekly basis.
8) Please don’t forget number 6. That could be dangerous.

There are actually sixteen tips to prevent memory loss, but somehow "sixteen tips" doesn't have the same "wow, that sounds easy!" effect that "eight tips" seems to have. So, the second eight are listed below.

If you feel yourself starting to forget about something, take a deep breath, picture a waterfall, and relax. Pretty soon you’ll wet your pants. That will make your brain associate forgetting things with wetting your pants, which your brain will try to avoid in the future at all costs.

The very moment you forget something, write it down. That way you’ll have a record of all the things you have forgotten, and in the future you won’t forget all the things that you already no longer know.

Memorize your life and everything that affects it or has affected it in anyway whatsoever.

Tell someone to learn to play a musical instrument.

Take lots of super memory pills. These pills are commonly sold at gas stations and on late night television (added bonus—they come in a two-pack with pills that make you read faster).

Uncomplicate your life. Quit your job, drop your hobbies, stop replying to people when they talk to you. You need to unclutter your mind.

Don’t stick long chopsticks in your ears, even for a funny gag that amuses everyone at the table but your lame date.

And most of all, if you feel yourself forgetting about the fifty bucks you loaned me, just let it go. The human brain can only handle so much.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Learning and Growing

My first grade teacher really had a gift for making each student participate in the learning process. There was one such moment that I will never forget. Math was always hard for me, so I never raised my hand to answer a question. So one day my teacher turned to me and said, “Tell me what four plus three is, or I’ll sue you!” And I’ll tell you what, that day I answered. I was full of nervousness and fear, but then everything suddenly came together. All the jumbled numbers fell into place as I blurted out “fifty-eleven.” The kids laughed, but I grew from the experience and you know, I wasn’t so nervous the next time I had to answer, which was in court to the judge. That teacher took me for all I was worth, and I’ll never forget it.

Tuesday is Blog Day

I will post on Tuesdays, unless I post on another day of the week. Then I will post on non-Tuesdays. For example, Sunday is a non-Tuesday. So is Monday through Saturday, except for Tuesday, which is not a non-Tuesday.

Why Tuesday, you ask. Because Tuesday is the one day where you really don’t have anything to look forward to. And I don’t want to change that.

If you are uncomfortable with this explanation, then please click the “comment” link below. Proceed to write your frustrations. When you are done, quickly click on the red X on the top right corner of the screen and take a moment to "chill out." If your comment had any merit, I'm sure it will end up in my e-mail account.

If you have any other questions about this, please check the frequently asked questions (FAQ) section below.


What if today is a Thursday? Does that mean you won’t be posting a message, because you only post on Tuesdays?
That is two questions. And only the first one is frequently asked.

What if today is a Wednesday . . . does that mean you won’t be posting a message, because you only post on Tuesdays?
Good question. However, it is totally irrelevant. Wednesday is tomorrow. How could you post something tomorrow, when it hasn’t even happened yet? This is impossible, even for blogging.

Do you post on Saturdays?
No. I only post on Tuesdays and non-Tuesdays.

Is Saturday a non-Tuesday?
I do not respond to gender specific questions. Please review original post for explanation of which days are non-Tuesdays.

Today is Tuesday, June 5th. Does that mean you post only on the 5th, because the 5th are Tuesdays?
No. I reserve the right to post on non-Tuesdays, which include days other than the 5th, such as the 17th or 9th. These days are non-Tuesdays—more specifically Fridays.

Are there any days that are not Tuesdays?
No, except for non-Tuesdays, which does not include Tuesday or other days that are not non-Tuesdays.

So, Tuesday is a non-Tuesday?
Read everything already written above again. And then a third time.

How about Good Friday?
I take the day off work, but I don’t go to the parade. I may or may not post on that day, depending if it falls on a Tuesday.

What if I’m busy on Tuesday?
You are not required to be watching your computer simultaneously as I post. You can view the post later on a non-Tuesday. However, I cannot guarantee that the letters will be in Times New Roman font if viewed on a non-Tuesday (or if posted in Arial).

I guess what I mean is, what if you are busy on Tuesday?
I don’t need to review my post. I have spell checker.

How do I know if my question is listed in this FAQ section?
There’s probably no way of ever really knowing. It’s more a question of impression. It’s something you should ask yourself each day and keep between just you and your impression(s).

And by far the most frequently asked question:

Is this question frequently asked?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Where Have All the Good Blogs Gone

Hydrogen peroxide makes your eyes burn. No one ever talks about this, but it is very true and the pain is very real. How come no blogs ever mention this? Does anyone know of a blog that tells you what things you should not put in your eyes to liven up a dull social gathering? If you do, make sure they add fingernail polish remover and corn dog sticks to the list and then send me the link. I’m tired of reading blogs that don’t give me information that I can use.

Blogging for the Novice

Blogging is not rocket science. When you think about it, rocket science is more like rocket science. In fact, I currently know two rocket scientists* and neither one of them blogs.

* It turns out they are rock scientists**
** Actually, I guess the proper term is rock collectors, and I don’t really know them. I
guessed the password to join their private chat room (“rocks_rock!”—it took me just
three days).

The Blame Game

I hate playing the blame game. First, someone says that everything is my fault. Then I explain how everything is that person’s fault. Then everyone in the room says that’s ridiculous because it’s obviously all my fault. Then they all blame each other as to who made me run out of the room crying.

Nobody wins the blame game. At least, I never win the blame game.