Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Brain Blog

June 12 is National Brain Day*. So in celebration of the human brain and in order to educate the future brains of tomorrow, today’s post is dedicated to Gene Brain, inventor of the wax replica of the human brain*.

In Celebration of the Human Brain

Science has shown that men use only 1/8th of their brain’s capacity. And one-half of that is used on retaining sports statistics. Imagine the capability for improvement. If we could somehow fuse three of these brains together, that would be almost three times the capacity! That’s a lot of stats, my friend. (We could start following hockey or soccer.)

When I think of “mind tricks,” I usually think of some mysterious older man who hypnotizes this other guy and gets his brain to roll over. Good Brain. Good Brain.

My mind will make me a lot of money some day. That is if it turns into gold or something.

My favorite thing to do with my brain is to just let it relax awhile, as I wander the halls as Bee Man, pinching everyone I pass.

Protect the Brain You Love

Eight Tips to Prevent Memory Loss
(as reproduced from the Harvard Brain Journal, June 31, 2008 A.D.)

1) Remember things.
2) Don’t forget the things that you are trying to remember.
3) Turn off the TV. Take time to watch someone read a book.
4) Train your mind to remember things that you have already forgotten.
5) Eat all of the “brain foods” that don’t actually have brains in them.
6) Don’t talk to strangers.
7) Remember to do all seven of these on at least a weekly basis.
8) Please don’t forget number 6. That could be dangerous.

There are actually sixteen tips to prevent memory loss, but somehow "sixteen tips" doesn't have the same "wow, that sounds easy!" effect that "eight tips" seems to have. So, the second eight are listed below.

If you feel yourself starting to forget about something, take a deep breath, picture a waterfall, and relax. Pretty soon you’ll wet your pants. That will make your brain associate forgetting things with wetting your pants, which your brain will try to avoid in the future at all costs.

The very moment you forget something, write it down. That way you’ll have a record of all the things you have forgotten, and in the future you won’t forget all the things that you already no longer know.

Memorize your life and everything that affects it or has affected it in anyway whatsoever.

Tell someone to learn to play a musical instrument.

Take lots of super memory pills. These pills are commonly sold at gas stations and on late night television (added bonus—they come in a two-pack with pills that make you read faster).

Uncomplicate your life. Quit your job, drop your hobbies, stop replying to people when they talk to you. You need to unclutter your mind.

Don’t stick long chopsticks in your ears, even for a funny gag that amuses everyone at the table but your lame date.

And most of all, if you feel yourself forgetting about the fifty bucks you loaned me, just let it go. The human brain can only handle so much.


Mom said...

I forgot what I was going to say.

Mom said...

Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day -- I love you!