An Amusing Man

I got kicked in the face today by the most amusing man. After he kicked me, he turned to me and said, “Now, what are you going to do about it?” Like there was anything I could do. I could barely even see, let alone stand up and do something. I mean the very idea that I would even attempt to do something in that state was ridiculous. What an imagination he had! Even now, as I am slouched here in the corner watching the puddle of my blood coagulate, I can’t think of a single thing that I could have done about it. He must have thought of something. Why else would he ask that? He probably had thought of a couple of things, since he had asked me which one I would choose to do. Oh, the creativity! I would trade the remaining portion of my left hand to have a creative and imaginative mind like that.

And there was something about the way he spoke that sounded inherently funny, like I had a concussion or a bleeding ear drum. It was like he was opening up his mouth and air was swirling into it as he spoke. I almost passed out from laughing and/or loss of blood.

Why did he do it? I have no idea. I don’t even know who he was. It must have been a completely spontaneous act. He was such a free spirit, full of life and enthusiastic rage. He must dance through life on a limb, breathing in the light and warmth and fear of the world around him. I, on the other hand, would never jump up and down on another’s arm. And to slap a person for “bleeding too much?” That idea would never just leap into my head; it would take some serious malicious brainstorming. But he could do it without a second thought, a hint of provocation, or the use of pepper spray, which he did use, but he really didn’t need it since I was already lying on the ground almost completely incapacitated.

This was truly a day to remember! You rarely get to meet amusing men like that more than once. They usually finish you off the first time.